Track 0: preface (FLOWer raPtURE) Preface; Joseph Campbell: People say that what we are all seeking is a meaning for life, I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking, I think what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive. So that the life experiences that we have on the purely physical plane will have resonances within that are those of our own inner-most being and reality. And so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive. Preface; This performer and this performance recognizes itself among many beautifully useless existences for which has allowed itself to surface from what is unknown to its writer and creator, me. This is simply a gesture for me to hopefully recognize and establish a connection with myself. For me this is easier than many things, simply out of fear. Could I say this to you, if we were in a room together? Fear pushes me in many directions as I have often run from it, and this is how it surfaces. By no means do I, the writer, understand what is going on. Many things will be forgoton, changed and need continuous work before this may actually be correctly performed, whatever that means. The failures of this should be recognized, pointed out, and criticized to their faults by you, the listener. I rely on your honesty to magnify the imperfections of this happening; to prove its uselessness and futility as a reminder to move on, and do something else in hopes that it may be better. And with a little luck, this may or may not be as misunderstood as it will be forgotten. So excuse my attempts at any clarity, it is merely my imagination trying to cope with other harsh realities that we all to some degree adhere to. That being said, I hope you enjoy whatever you want to call this. And, yeah, I’m just going to keep trying to reach out here… ‘cus I don’t really know what to do. JC: What’s the meaning of a flower?

Track 1: eNdtrOducTION Hello, you’re listening to Name’s “Toø Much”; spoken word cassette. This is an introduction,,, let’s get the ball rolling. Hello and thanks for listening. This tape has been recorded in my bedroom so please excuse the tone of my voice and its dry delivery; it is my aim to make the words coming out of my mouth as clear as possible. Some mistakes will have been left in and I apologize for the quality of the recording; my four-track isn’t that clean. That being said, I hope that your emotions meet mine in the sense that it may give you something to react to. Some of the content is funny to me though I may sound really serious, but don’t let that stop you from whatever reaction you may have though I doubt it will. I guess I find it more important to let you know that I’m not all that serious though the subject matter certainly goes there quite often; and that isn’t to say that serious things cannot also be funny… and funny things aren’t serious. So enough with the explanations; I hope that this tape gives you a little bit of comfort ‘cus I know writing and making things does that for me too, and I really do appreciate you listening to this. Thanks////

Track 2: fILL yr heART (aka) “Fill Your Heart” originally written and performed by Biff Rose Fill your heart with love today/ Don't play the game of time/ Things that happened in the past just happened in your Mind/ Only in your Mind-Forget your Mind/ Then you'll be free-yea'/ The writing's on the wall/ Free-yea'/ And you can know it all/ If you choose/ Just remember/ Lovers never lose/ 'Cause they are Free of thoughts unpure/ And of thoughts unkind/ Gentleness clears the soul/ Love cleans the mind/ And makes it Free-yea/ Happiness is happening/ The dragons have been bled/ Loveliness is everywhere/ Fear's just in your Head/ Fear in your Head/ Only is in your Head/ Fear is in your Head/ So Forget your Head/ And you'll be free-yea/The writing's on the wall/ Free-yea'/ And you can know it all/You can know it all/ If you choose/ Just remember/ Lovers never lose/ 'Cause they are free of thoughts unpure/ And of thoughts unkind/ Gentleness can clear the soul/ Love cleans the mind/ And makes it Freeeeeeee!! Sample; “have readings of a negative return.” “copy that, a negative return.”

Track 3: coME;paSSion Life/ Death/ Life/ Death/// What do I want to do/ do /do /// Loving is dying to me/ Love is me dying Love is my life/ Love is my strife/ Love is serious/ Life is serious/ We live and feel/ To be in reality/ Without a mask/ without a mask/// My words are my mask/ My mirror/ My ego/ If I can be here/ I am here/ I am dead and living beauty/ Get over it/ get over it/ get over it/ get over it is real/ is real/ is real/ is real/// Incarnate/ As this takes place/ Beginning together/ Growing flowers/ Compassion/ compassion/come;passion///// passion/ passion/passion/////////

Track 4: IkNOWless I know less than I think/ I know less then I think/ I think less then I know/ I think less than I know/ I think/ I think less then I know/ I think/ I know/ I know I think less then I know/ I think less then I know/ I think/ I think I know but I don’t/ don’t I but know I think I don’t/ I know less than I think I know/ I know less than I think but I don’t/ don’t I but think I think less know I but I don’t/ know what I think/ think what I think/ think that I know/ know what I don’t know/ that I think/ that I know that I don’t know/ that I think. Elvis; Hallelujah

Track 5: Q: What does it mean to be understood? A: Last night I dreamed, I was in denial. Learning how to talk/ Learning how to talk/ Learning how to talk to one another/ What does it take/ to know how to speak/ clearly communicating/ to one another/ how can we speak the same language/ how is it to be understood/ what conditions supply this/ it is a struggle/ to meet together/ in the same way/ that it takes/ to have a need/ to have a quality/ to have a gesture where/ one could be understood/ what does it mean to understand/ to stand under it/ below it/ beyond it/ how can I hear the bird speak/ how can I hear the wind/ is it to be understood/ I can try/ if I can take the quality/ of understanding myself/ and that I don’t know/ can that be a step/ towards/ being in my reality/ being present with an energy inside of me/ in my core/ building it/ to be able to accept and translate/ what I do not know/ hieroglyphics/ symbols/ gestures/ visual auditory/ tastes/ scent/ how do I know that what I am explaining can be received and understood/ I know that I don’t know myself as well as I would like/ because I often get stuck/ without words/ without meaning/ though the positive aspects of that/ can be more clear/ in the experience that I’m having/ rather than the relay of information through my associative words picked and pulled/ strung out/ on a line/ two tin cans/ toot in canons/ talking/ painting/ everything/ what does it mean to be understood/

Track 6: AA? Unlimited Freedom Ask a question, Ask a question, yes to me, yes to me. If there is an answer, if there is an answer, we don’t know, we don’t know… Please* // Okay, so what I can suggest for your plan is our Unlimited Freedom///with $5 off with auto-pay/ So your first line, uh, you will be charged with $65/// 2nd line is $45/// and lines 3 up to 10 is uh, $35 with $5// line with auto-pay/ “Lying” Dollars / We don’t know.

Track 7: Escript EmbarrassEd Myself is veiled in attempts to communicate what this is for me/ though simultaneously this is also me and I must accept this is who I am/ even if I don’t like it/ it is not about what I believe to be my preference/ this is may harm me/ it is that I am/ change happens whether or not I exist but to actually be here as this happens/ my current aim is to channel my experience and so I thank you for being open/ I will also try to remember that we are/ that we can/ and forever we will be us/ and we so deserve all the love we can channel/ not knowing is not wrong/ remember that you are right now/ remember this is an attempt to love/ love/ love yourself/ love everyone/ love everything/ be who you are/ not what others tell you to be/ remember that you are and that you have you/ you are you/ to embody change is to be you/ I am attached to change/ and my shadow reveals me/ shows me that I am when I remember that it is/ between heaven and earth/ space and hell/ religion, science/ angles and angels/ degrees, directions, points, lines, planes of existence/ we travel/ forever/ eternally/ knowing that we don’t but we are/ here/ listening/ to a recording of my voice/ from which I speak/ currently into a microphone with some dried, half-dried jasmine flowers duct taped, to remember the scent/ to remember the smell/ to remember to breath/ to remember to be here/ leaving a transmission on a tape cassette or maybe some other media/ to be listened to/ this is me reaching out/ this is me not knowing/ admitting that I don’t know/ thinking how ridiculous it is that I have to put this on a tape cassette/ and/ I can’t be embarrassed anymore/ its not worth it/ hopefully I can apply this in some other way that’s not me recording myself in my bedroom/ thanks.

Track 8: Wedding (recorded live in Joshua Tree, CA by Raphael Villet) I wrote this on December 31st, 2015 for my father’s wedding that was occurring that night. He didn’t expect me to have a best man speech but I came through. He hadn’t asked me, so I kind of surprised him by writing this at the wedding. And then I shared it with his new friends and family, who most of which I haven’t met after they got married at midnight. This took place at the Cheese Cake Factory in Redondo Beach California. Recorded live at the Beatnik Lounge in Joshua Tree— Making mistakes/ Struggling/ Life/ Love it/ With strength/ towards the divine/ following bliss/ to not miss a moment/ fully in love/ with an open heart/ to all the humanness/ every failure/ every death/ all change/ allows us/ to be here/ together/ with strength/ we can be/ as we are/ eternally changing/ holding on to love/ to love/ to remember/ who we are/ what we are/ that we are/ individually choosing/ to be here/ here in this life/ we can open our hearts/ expand our minds/ explore new definitions beyond we believe we think we understand/ to love every moment fully/ every pain/ every ecstatic moment/ all that is sublime and beautiful/ stopping to recognize/ this union/ with love/ with god/ with ourselves/ being open to all of it/ being accountable and accepting that which we are/ without judging/ simply noticing/ that we have been granted/ this moment/ this body/ this spirit/ this undefined moment/ that we can fully love/ open your heart/ be who you are/ what you do not know/ discover/ that it is much more possible than how I put this in words/ my failure/ my mistake/ my attempt/ to explain love/ have that/ because it is possible/ it/ already is/ love/ find it and be there/ in its infinite manifestations/ beyond our comprehension/ be/ love/ be loved/ beloved/ with all your open hearts. It is here/ in this room/ recognize/ love/ love/ love/ love/ *cool right on/ Love/ *far out guys, really taking it there/ (applaud) *wait wait wait, theres five more lines/ more than I can say / love/ it already is/ love/ don’t forget it/ love/ * okay, so that was the poem. Um,

Track 9: I’mlikethis=Notlikethis Love/Love/Love/Love/Love/Love/Love… I don’t want you to like this/ I don’t want you to not like this/ I’m like this, not like this/ You will hear what you want/ I will shed this like skin/ Drop this like a leaf/ I try my best to show me/ Who I am/ I can no longer ask myself why I do this, this is simply something that I can do/ I could wash a car in the rain/ Tie your shoe/ Blow my nose/ Open the rag/ And find a mandala/ What I get from this is a feeling that I hope I can share/ Not everyone is always thirsty/ I cant expect you to want this/ This is what I love to do/ I want to show my love/ I must show my love/ I cant have expectations/ And I must accept that this is what I do, this love is bigger than me and who I think I am or what others may think/ and this is what I want to do/ I don’t like everything that I do but that doesn’t mean that isn’t who I am/ but I have love/ we have love/ I am alive/ we are alive/ we cannot ask for more/ Nature gives us a lot and what I can offer is very little by comparison/ so I show this love with gratitude/ Remember you are here/ remember this body/ remember these thoughts/ remember that you are/ remember that you can/ remember you are here/ remember this body/ remember love. (sample from the movie “Freddy Got Fingered”) Drew Barrymore: Fuck off! You’re a skinny Loser. Someone call security. Tom Green: Don’t call them. DB: Shit!

Track 10: Love is a pain Toni. 2016/ Love is a pain/ I cannot always tolerate/ Although I am/ still here/ alive/ a life/ this life/ this love/ this pain/ goes past niavete/ into solace/ and I still thrive on change/ I am still/ and I moniter these mass fluctionations/ hysteria/ is it the wave or the tide/ the moon/ or the earths movements/ our relations are personal/ like this painful love/ from which you wish to depart/ making the choice you say you don’t want/ you fulfill yourself with your actions/ mechanical beast/ when I haven’t written for days and it all slides by/ everything I thought was forgotten/ it passes unnoticed/ how conscious am i?/ my behavior/ if I cannot recognize or remember what I have done first hand/ though it appears in a list of fragmented moments/ will I remember having written these words?/ each letter?/ each thought or feeling driving this lost experience?/ my existence is null/ my importance is lost/ my ideas are gone with the distractions of the outside world/ everything that seems so important has subconsciously or unconsciously brought me here/ all moments which I take responsibility for/ whether I want to recognize that/ I found it easier to do so with love when I stop judging myself and am honest/ and here I write to let go/ to remind myself later or now/ if I can be here/ if I can truly/ be/ here.

Track 11: CCCLove Like a Dog Fight Written at 5th Avenue Marina in Oakland on the 31st of January, 2016. Love is vulnerable/ Love is vulnerability/ Love is crying/ Love is making an idiot of myself/ Love is being that idiot and not caring ‘cus love is/ love is changing/ love is bigger than me/ my personality/ my ego/ my ego holds me down/ that which I think I am but isn’t/ a fraction of me that divides me from I/ I am what I do not know and my ego always thinks that I know/ I don’t know what that is/ what love is/ bigger than me which breaks my ego/ I write this because I love you but I don’t know who or what I am/ a relationship gives room for mistakes/ love ties this together/ when the ego fights/ love still wins/ because it is bigger than the both of us/ although it is also us/ I love you and the look in your eye/ but I think you think too much/ make a real mistake and say it/ maybe you will find something you don’t know/ its okay to be vulnerable/ you’ll find that what you thought was an idiot is merely a fool attached to nothing in the universe/ love is also nothing/ no hinge on an axis/ always fully immersed in what is vulnerable/ trying not to make the same mistake twice/ pretend that it didn’t happen/ or acting like they knew/ like a child knows/ no shame/ no taboos/ no way to say “it”/ without contradictions/ love is finer than silk, stronger than diamonds, and moves like the wind/ except it is all of those things and none of them/ love just is.