Name US Love Tour 2015

by Name

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about

These recordings are the document of a wish towards creating something objective that will change and hopefully develop with effort over time and now exists as a series of poetic inquiries directed at myself to share with others.

My artistic intention aims at healing the personal and neurotic nature of my self and sharing my human vulnerabilities through recordings and performances.

These recordings are the result of what a part of me thinks making an attempt towards uncovering subconscious feelings and ideas are to reveal aspects of my personality by using what is assumed to be direct language.

The words were written while spending the better of 3 months in Joshua Tree and driving up and down the west coast between LA, Big Sur, Oakland and other states.

The tape has been assembled to share with others on a tour that i've been inspired make happen so that i can continue traveling and seeking out potential answers to my mysteries, inquiries, and the desire towards knowing my self for health related reasons.

Feel free to ask any questions:
I does not know how to help others because I does not know who they are... but i can hope to try.

Thanks for reading, listening, & checking this out.

+Blessings+

Words written from April to September 2015
Recorded in Oakland, Joshua Tree, 5 South Freeway
Solidified in Oakland & digitally in Ashland OR.

credits

released August 25, 2015

Written & Performed by Name Vital
Mixed & Recorded by Cameron MacKenzie
Digital Mix by Zack Vidal
Released by Tingo Tongo Tapes

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Name Oakland, California

creating things because i dont know what else to do; if i can even do that; looking for a lot of things; making a lot of mistakes; seeing it; moving on; over and over; subject to laws; wishing; that i am.

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Track Name: Dream Love ( Reminder )
Incubating dreams
a hope
aspiration
guidance
inner self
inner love
deep love
with out
with in
all through
out out out
+
it is a line
it is a plance
it is a point
my point
is my aim
my aim
is love
self love
other love
being love
working love
magic love
real love
love love
be love
am love
is love
yes
it is love
+
you make it what it is
take it to your dreams
from your dreams
to the real
what is real
it is you.
Track Name: 62˚ Comedy
Feeling cold when it's 62˚ outside
feeling the wind on your skin
seeing clouds get pushed out from over the moon.
wondering the next time you'll have sex.
wondering the next time you connect with somebody and it really feels like you understood one another and you said what you really wanted to say -
maybe having not been able to say it before, or saying it the best you've ever been able to up until that point in your life.
forgetting what that really is.
wondering if you've ever really had that.
being nostalgic for a situation you opted out of,
even if that meant for your better mental health.
wondering what mental health is.
=
thinking there is a clean slate,
looking up "tabula rasa" in the dictionary.
writing a list of things to do, accomplishing it,
writing another list of things to do,
crossing things off and still wondering what it means to be,
in love.
=
love is a deep sorrow and a high spring,
it is an immense feeling that has facets like a natural uncut diamond.
i wonder if i can stop wondering and redirect my energy to something more useful although i've been aware fr// Awake,,,
for 17 hours having driven 3 hours, moved and chopped logs, did movements, cleaned, and played drums,
and i cant sleep.
=
is art my neurosis,
my neurotic nature,
my drive,
my sex?
=
inter-coursing from the air to my blood,
tasting potato chips and toothpaste,
clutching a hexagonal pen that's uncomfortable while my nose runs.
=
this may be the worst art and
not in a "good" way.
I cant doubt others' feelings but i doubt myself.

does having a big ego stop that?
or do i just give up for something less
although my heart begs for something more.
and does that qualify me as a masochist.

part of me thinks i'm ready for death.
Track Name: SourceSoarSore7
how many times can i
have the same words
mean something different
each time it is said

which words are bigger than most
or is it the weight
the context
momentary
thought exhaustion
relative relationships
incest
ingest
discover
divulge
direct
uncover

God
Love
Hate
Sorrow
Indepedence
Dependence
Common
Objective
Source

What is source
What source this
Sore
Soars

This transition is false
My reclamation is contrived
My value is prescribed
This language is,,,
Track Name: I Must Accept
I must accept that who I am
Who am I? Who am I?
To say, to say,
these words.

I could remain speechless
and deny effort or magic
and i continue to miss the point entirely.
Love
For there is no other word.
Love
For there is no other world.
Love
Because it is Divine.
Love
Because it is ours.
Love
Because Freedom.
Love
Because i want to be there within it,
Though it is already within me.

Open your heart,
You make It what It is:
Open your heart,
It is what It makes you.
Track Name: Stone Inside ( Tall Trees )
Tall Trees
Must Grow
like stone inside
to stand
i can do the same.
rooted around bugs
who try and taste my flesh
i wish them away
and the come biting back
I am a stone inside

(cut from the recording)

to bear fruit
drop seeds
shed leaves
after having grown all season
my brown is a sign of strength
the bark i shed shows true beauty
an ambivalent stroke of my pen
attempts

to have more
taste a full meal
go to a forest
or nature lately?
when was the last time i saw

---

to go straight to the source
i am already here

which mountain
which stream
which path
which clearing

I am already here
and for what
to be

we are here to help each other?
we are -
here -
now.
what?
am i really?
Track Name: CFree
Your Reason is a Phallus
My obligation is,
unheard of

You cry
I live my life like a monster,
enchanted wit,
sorrows tart taste.

I wish i had some chocolate.

I went on a walk today,
and felt myself.

Covered in skin
and heart aflame
The scent of a flower numbed me.
with its hot poker stickin' out
a green star sit perfectly
between 5 purple petals and
a small white stripe came
from the middle.

When you love
your hurt
so much
that you're alive
and you do not know how to express it
in another person's pain;

A pedophile touched my heart.
He was drinking to die.

Where is your art?

He bet i'd never hurt anybody's heart before.

Honest and tenderly
We agreed on Love.
Track Name: FFBFF ( POMTIARFD )
My Doubt
My Individuality
the first fall before first flight
jumping into nothing
being there
as if i knew i had to
but why
that trajectory
this leap
from stable ground
a tilted rock
with just enough space to cradle my back
i look out
with out
///
Limits
Aesthetics
Tastes
I saw a car
it made me feel
Wreckless
///
Part of me thinks I'm ready for death.
Track Name: Writing
writing
for when you are alone
writing
for when you cant sleep
writing
to feel important
writing
to let things go
writing
because you cant figure out what else you can do
writing
because you dont have anyone to talk to
writing
because you chose not to talk to anybody
writing
although it's about time you stopped
writing
you'll never get to "the point"
writing
because you already said it
writing
in case you forgot
writing
can be impractical
writing
is this practical?
writing
to hope somebody will read it and understand though you may never talk about it but that's okay
writing
because i dont have much (to lose)
writing
it is a form of magic that took a long time to develop from basic language
writing
why stop here
writing
i could be dead
writing
i could be lots of things
writing
nothing
writing
writing

(until my eyes close)
Track Name: Timeless Shadow
shadow
this isn't me
where does it come from
what is it?
is it really?

can it be present with fear

not to cave into the shadow

where an experience is reached for
and the result is
what touches me.
presently
as if i am there

who knows what
do i own me
my self
our we?
are are?
hourly
timeless.